I posted an article on my Facebook page called "When Your Mother Says She's Fat", (and I had a discussion about weight with one of my girlfriends at lunch today), and it really got me thinking.
When Your Mother Says She's Fat
I've grown up with a mom and grandma that were caught in the endless cycle of dieting and weight gain, and still are. I mean no offense to them, being overweight runs in my family, and they have done what they can in their lives. But I too have spent my entire life being heavy. When I was 8 my best friend called me "Jelly Belly". I was always the last one picked in gym class. That being said, I don't think I ever struggled to make friends - I think I have a personality that makes up for it. Even in high school, I played soccer and ran track - and at 150 pounds, I was still heavier than the other girls (I was solid muscle though!) and I thought I was fat.
In college I gained a few pounds (I'm sure all the beer didn't help), and had lost 20 pounds when I met my husband. In the first 6 years we were together, I gained 40 pounds. Then came babies, and I gained another 20. Since my last baby I've lost 40, but still would like to lose more. At this point in my life, I sincerely feel defeated. I focus 80% of my thoughts and time on losing weight, working out, eating healthy, not eating bad... and while I know that's important to remain healthy, I feel like I'm not enjoying life as I should be. I am healthy - good blood pressure, good triglycerides, good cholesterol, I have a physical and blood work every 6 months - the only thing "unhealthy" is my weight - which leads me to wonder if it's that unhealthy, and if so, what problems is it causing me other than excess worry?
Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I'm going to give it all up and sit around eating oreo's all day, I'm not. I will still make healthy choices, and exercise as much as I can. What I mean is maybe I can stop putting such unnatural pressure on myself to hit a certain weight, wear a certain size, look a certain way. My oldest daughter is 5, and on her birthday we told her to choose any restaurant she wants to eat at - she had one in mind, but said "We can't go there because I don't want to ruin mommy's diet". Broke. My. Heart. I honestly didn't feel that I put too much emphasis on my "diet", but she has apparently picked up on it, and THAT is what I don't want. (we ended up eating there anyway, FYI) I don't want them thinking dieting is the norm, we can't eat certain foods because mommy can't have them. I really try to teach them about healthy foods vs. unhealthy foods, and how they fuel your body differently, and make you feel differently. I want to focus on being HEALTHY, and teaching them how to do that, not diet.
There are healthy people of all sizes, and there are unhealthy people of all sizes. I know that I will most likely never weight 130 pounds, and I'm fine with that. As long as my weight isn't interfering with my health, or my ability to be on this earth as long as I possibly can be for my kids. I want them to grow up with a mom they think is beautiful because I think I'm beautiful. I want to teach them what a woman's worth is, and that they are smart, funny, caring, kind and amazing, and none of that has to do with the way they look. I want them to treat other people equally, regardless of how they look or how much they weigh. That is SO hard because kids are naturally honest, and have no concept of weight and health yet (my 3 year old saw a heavy woman at Subway the other day and said "She has a big bottom!" She was just being honest - but how do you explain to a 3 year old that people come in all sizes?) I really hope my girls get my husband's genes and don't battle with weight the way I have, and generations before me have. But if they do, I want them to know they are beautiful on the inside, and outside beauty fades with time anyway. Here is a link to an article with the opposite thought - tell your kids they are beautiful, don't completely avoid the subject - but tell them WHY - their imperfections make them beautiful, embrace them! It's not a certain KIND of beauty, it's EVERY kind of beauty! So where is the tiny line between talking about beauty just enough, and too much?
I am Beautiful, Girls
I am trying to figure out what the root of my feelings are - honestly, I've had abnormally high self-esteem my entire life, and though I knew I wasn't as thin as others, it didn't bother me. And that's not me trying to cover my feelings, it honestly didn't - I never thought about it! It's been since I've lost 40 pounds that I seem to obsess over it, and the longer it goes, the more I hate how I look in the mirror and in pictures. It never used to be that way for me, I've always just accepted myself as I am. And isn't a higher self image supposed to come with age, and not vice versa? Where has my high self-esteem gone? Have I put so much pressure on myself to lose a little weight that I've destroyed it? I just read a book called "Obsessed" by Mika Brzezinski (great book, I highly recommend it) she is thin, and her co-author is overweight, and it's about their struggle. Even though she's thin, she has a constant struggle with her looks and weight and eating (she has a food addiction). So, if even thin people obsess about it and hate themselves, is losing weight going to help me? Will it ever end or will I constantly be trying to lose weight or maintain, even if I reach my goal weight? I also love this piece, showing pictures of what mom's bodies look like - be proud of your belly, wear your stretch marks like a badge of honor - they are the result of creating amazing little lives!
What REAL mom's bodies look like
I can help stop the endless cycle, and teach MY kids to be healthy and happy, and not obsess about their looks and weight, and to not treat other people differently if they look different than they do. I want to enjoy my life, and not pick apart every moment in terms of how many pounds I will gain if I eat something. Life is literally too short.
